It is December 31st, 2016, 4am to be exact. You are heading to Nwangele. Your tyre gets stuck in a gully, you steer yourself into the belly of the road, headlights surrounds you, intent. Someone in the front seats shouts “Jesus! Jesus!” You are safe, you smile. Everyone gets off unhurt. And you curse yourself, because you are more worried about the two headlights you’ve just lost –they cost a fortune.

It is 2nd February, “Greenspeer and Gethelpworldwide” decides to upgrade and you learnt from MMM & Ultimate Cycler that upgrade means; crash. Your attempt to recover from your loss on December 13 2016 fails completely. There’s 25k left. You transfer 20k to a friend (you don’t see it) you are scared of staying alone with it…you don’t know what other desperate measure you might take.

March 15th it is approximately 5 months since you graduated. You panic a bit, nothing seems to be happening, you take matters into your hands; you go job hunting. No show. Your palms get cold, you go back and calculate your result 21…ok so what’s the catch? You begin to feel as a liability, no money just N5000 left in your account (your fuck-you foundation). Your Parents make side comments, you swallow hard. You scroll to Facebook, people are blowing up and down. Did you buy fuel from a different filing station?  Ok, they said you must go for National Youth service Corps  first. Oh! Sure no problem, that’s just this June. June comes, Service is busy…

July 10th. You sit tight and wait for NYSC, no need searching a job, service is around the corner. Service doesn’t come in June, but you are sure it would, in July and you are sure after service you would blow, you won’t need to look for job. Jobs will search for you. All the talks about entrepreneurship, bounce off huge capital, which you don’t have.

August 11th you can’t wait anymore, fuck NYSC.  You get a job, a teaching job. Once a week, it fits your busy schedule of wallowing in disbelief. A month in and you quit. You were slipping away. Teaching a subject that caged you.

October7th. You are back to square one, broke and scared to check your account balance. You are tempted to call back the proprietress, you don’t. They children matter most and you are bad for them. Your friends slip out. You are stagnant, they are moving, travelling. You feel a huge lump on your throat. You wish they could wait up a bit or stretch a hand.  You get none. Finally you understand you are alone.

November 1st. Ideas just can’t leave you alone, the squeeze in-between you and your pillow whispering, you wake up and act on them you fail woefully, you get scared, but now you are used to it –failure. Another comes, you work on it, hissh! A close miss –1 game only kinda miss. But you feel good now, trying and failing. You understand its necessity. You work on another…ah! Very close again. You are smiling now…

January 1st 2018: You smile …you know you’re ready.

I am just curious about life

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