Since we’re in the business of helping each other out; I’m here today to tell you about the little details you need in order to survive a taxi ride in this beautiful country. Taxi drivers derive joy in stuffing four people in their back seats and two in that small delicate passenger seat next to the driver(because that’s what normal people do right?). So, since you’re too poor to buy a car and you can’t really complain about the conditions in those rickety taxis because, well; you can’t even afford one, here are life saving tips you need in order to survive that gruesome taxi ride.
1) Forget it.
Yep, forget it. Forget the fact that your body is in an uncomfortable car ride, compressed with three other strangers like a sardine destined for consumption. Close your eyes, imagine yourself in that beautiful paradise Jesus told his disciples he was going to prepare for them in heaven; however, if you can’t conjure up what paradise looks like, you definitely deserve that taxi ride. Detach your mind from your body. Close your eyes , think of happy memories and wait for that beautiful moment when the driver says; ‘oga/madam, we don reach’.
2) Don’t talk.
That’s right. If you still want to retain the sensory capability of your nostrils after the ride, just respect yourself and face your front. Don’t bother turning your neck to talk or engage in any conversation whatsoever with the person seated next to you. Believe me, it’s not just worth it. Some people derive joy from not brushing their teeth daily, however, we’re not here to talk about the mental stability of most passengers. Since you can’t really force people to brush their teeth every morning, you could at least spare yourself the trauma of inhaling whatever vile odor that comes out the mouth. So, mind your business and hold your breath.
3) Pray.
Sounds weird right? Nah. You need it brethren. Pray so that the car ride won’t take longer than necessary. Pray that the particular road is smooth so you won’t have to walk with walking stick after the tumultuous car ride. Pray that the person seated next you would drop before you, so you can enjoy a little bit of space and comfort before you get down. Pray that the driver doesn’t pick any other passenger on the way, so you wouldn’t have to adjust and sit with one part of your butt hanging.
Pray that at some point in your life, you’ll be able to afford a car.
I lost hope in humanity a long time ago. Now sarcasm is my only defense.

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