Some of us claim to be ‘Nigerians’, however, in reality, they aren’t really Nigerians or perhaps are not proudly Nigerians. They claim to be Nigerians because their birth certificates say so or maybe someone told them so.

For you to beat your chest and proudly call yourself a Nigerian, you must have experienced certain things peculiar to Nigeria and Nigerians alone, if not; just respect yourself, take your mother to one corner, look into her eyes and ask her who your father is. Nonsense!

HOW TO KNOW A NIGERIAN

There are certain things every Nigerian, whether rich or poor must have experienced at one point in time. It’s like our very own badge of honor. As a Nigerian, if you haven’t seriously gone through the following; you were either born today or perhaps, you weren’t even born in Nigeria;

UP NEPA SYNDROME:

If you claim to be proudly Nigerian, and you haven’t shouted “UP NEPA!!!!!!!!” like a thousand times….ermmmm, scratch that, like a million times; then you must be mad. You’re Nigerian, and you don’t know what “UP NEPA!” is? Tufiakwa!!! Every Nigerian resident in Nigeria can at least boast of shouting that slogan countless times in their lifetime. It’s the first thing kids learn to say even before ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’. It’s not like they teach you how to shout “UP NEPA!”. Once you’re born, it is pre-programmed, one of your default settings -when Angels are shipping babies to Nigeria, the always include it as their recommended settings. You have no option but to shout and jump for joy whenever the electricity company restores power to your neighborhood two weeks after it went out. Trust me, even the president at some point in time must have shouted “UP NEPA!!!”, you can’t just escape it.

*ANNUAL FUEL SCARCITY CELEBRATION

Furthermore, every authentic Nigerian must have at least gone through ten different periods of fuel scarcity. Like the ‘hunger games’ movie franchise; fuel scarcity and subsequently its increase in price is an annual event in our beautiful country -very well celebrated. No matter how hard people try to deny it, as Nigerians we always look forward to fuel scarcity; that period in time when we know the rich. Those who can afford the price of the product, no matter how exorbitant and still continue with their normal routines. In-case you’re new in Nigeria and you don’t know what fuel scarcity is, well you better not know oh! Somethings are better left unknown. Unfortunately, every authentic Nigerian must have survived a period of acute fuel scarcity in his/her lifetime. If not, go and tear your passport.

*HOTJOLLOF

Finally, apart from our national soccer team, jollof rice is the only other thing that unites us as a country. If you claim to be Nigerian and you don’t love jollof rice, how do you even sleep at night? How do you breathe without jollof rice? Jollof rice is the only nationally accepted anti-depressant in this country. It calms you down as a frustrated Nigerian while at the same time giving you hope for the future. Language and culture might differ, but jollof rice unites us…

So brethren!, if you’re really proudly Nigerian… smile, we’re in this together!!

 

brotherchinonso
brotherchinonso@yahoo.com
I lost hope in humanity a long time ago. Now sarcasm is my only defense.

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