Dear African child, nay the unfortunate Nigerian child; this is for you. I know growing up in Nigeria itself is a challenge not every human being on earth can relate to. I know that sometimes, you find it hard to be thankful for anything, you wake up angry and go to bed depressed. However, if you really don’t have anything to be grateful for . . . you should atleast be grateful to your parents for bring you to planet earth; albiet unforunately Nigeria. Yes, growing up with Nigerian parents is an experience only few people can proudly lay claim to. With all the attendant stress of growing up in a third world country like Nigeria; we’re also saddled with the sacrosanct duty of keeping our parents happy. I know it’s not easy, believe me. However, I just want you to take time off your hectic schedule and thank your parents. Scratch that, hug them (kiss them if you can), they deserve it.
You want to know why? Let me list out the reasons.
Firstly, thank your stars that your father decided that the day of your conception wasn’t such a good day to wear durex, just imagine if the old man had done so; you’d be swimming in a soakaway with all those other things that are flushed down the toilet. Phew! That was quite close you know. So the next time the old man dumps all his clothes on you and orders you to wash and iron them; brethren, don’t get mad, just remember that you could have ended up in a smelly, dark place.
As for your mother, thank your maker that she decided that it was even a good idea to keep the pregnancy. After all, how would you be reading this post now if your beautiful mom had taken Postinor-2 after your conception or if she had decided to abort you? So my dear, the next time your mom wakes you up from a very deep sleep, so you can change the channel on the television; just smile. Take it in good faith.
Finally, dear African child, I know it’s difficult, but then, don’t worry; you’ll soon grow up, marry and also have your own kids; then, you can do to your children all those things your parents did to you. Before nko? Yep, from the unnecessary shouting, whooping and even down to the denial of your fundamental human rights . . . relax; you’ll get your chance.

I lost hope in humanity a long time ago. Now sarcasm is my only defense.

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